next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
