I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
