He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
