Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The chlamydia really affected his face.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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