i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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