i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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