Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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