Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
