Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
