I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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