ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?