i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
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I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
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After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man