Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.