God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize