I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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