I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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