Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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