i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
