Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
