Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
