I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
