Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
there is puke in my bra ... again
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
