Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
