Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
