Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I haven't been this sober since birth.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
