dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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