wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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