So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
