I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
