So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
