I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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