Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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