you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
