Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
