I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
