You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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