Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
