I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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