Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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