Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
