I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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