I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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