My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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