did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
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Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
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Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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