Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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