I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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