he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
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Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
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We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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