Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
