My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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