going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
