and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
