Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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