Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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