remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
