what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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