I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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