I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize