Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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