my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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