awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
